Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
