Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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