Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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