you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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