She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
