Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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