This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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