Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
