I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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