well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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