ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
