Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
