oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize