oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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