booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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