I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
