i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
