some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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