im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
