Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
