Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
