a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
