Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
