i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
