i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
