god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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