how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
