the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
