Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
