I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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