We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
