I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
