I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bring me that man meat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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