hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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