We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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