I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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