does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
