It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
