Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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