why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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