Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That accounts for only three of the penises
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
