We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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