She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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