Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
