Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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