AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize