come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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