So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
