if only i could text you this smell
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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