she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I still have a little drunk in my system
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
