I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
