everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
