We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
