ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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