I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
