Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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