you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
