either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
