Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
