matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
