ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i'm inner monologue high
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
