If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
