I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think my moral compass just broke
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
