"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
