i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
