I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You need a sexual gate keeper
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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