I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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