If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize