Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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