i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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