Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
