I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize