she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
