is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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