you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
