I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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