I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
