Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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