FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
