He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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