I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
