I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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