I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
