too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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