Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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