and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
