I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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