Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
