summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
4 words: hood of his car
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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