i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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