I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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