the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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