pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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