trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize