8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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