yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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