Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
