I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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